06-17-2005

456) The Blob. Dig the kooky theme song baby! Yeah!

457) The One. That Jet Li sure does get himself into some kooky messes! Yeah!

457 down, 543 to go.

06-16-2005

454) Novocaine. I thought I remembered this being a comedy, but it turned out to be more of a neo-noir, all innocent man being framed and taking matters into his own hands. Pretty good.

455) Contract Killer. I LOVE dubbed movies! Voice actors are so nuts!

455 down, 545 to go.

What can Brown do for you?

Let's see...

1) Not deliver all of your cases. Because when you are expecting an eleven case shipment from a shipper within your one day guaranteed shipping zone, expect five today, maybe a few tomorrow, and the rest the next day, IF AT ALL.

2) Have a fucking attitude about it. Because if you call to complain they'll let you know that one day guaranteed only means that the system has to show your packages are SCHEDULED on time, they don't actually have to get there. And if it get's lost? Probably the shipper's fault, you should take it up with them.

3) Have even more of a fucking attitude about the lost cases. Because if you file a claim it takes them three to eight weeks to determine if it's actually lost or not, and then another three to eight weeks to determine who's fault it is (hint: not their's), and then another three to eight weeks to verify the insured value, and then another three to eight weeks to process the claim. And that's if the insurance company doesn't get involved, because they won't pay shit.

4) Raise their shipping rates EVERY MONTH. Because you're really getting too good of service for what you're paying. Plus, Teamster bosses need new Cadillacs every day.

That about covers it for today.

06-15-2005

453) The Day After Tomorrow. What complete and total crap! I was on my feet yelling at this almost as much as I was at Haiku Tunnel, and that's a whole lot people! First off, Dennis Quaid said it himself, this exact thing happened 10,000 years ago which I think, THINK, might have been before the industrial revolution when evil and dirty mankind started dumping all those awful pollutants into the air. Second, and I'm just going from a rudimentary knowledge of basic 11th grade ecology and all of the boring Discovery Channel documentaries you can think of here, it would take YEARS AND YEARS AND FUCKING YEARS for the earth to cool enough for a new ice age! Third, and this is the part that really got me going, if you are trapped in a library trying to survive a monster blizzard, why are you only burning books? Because as handy as they might be in getting the fire going I'm pretty sure that libraries have other sources of fuel in them. I mean, it has been a while since I was in one, but I seem to recall tables and chairs and SHITLOADS OF BOOKSHELVES ALL MADE OUT OF WOOD! WOOD THAT BURNS LONGER AND HOTTER THAN PAPER! BREAK UP THE FURNITURE AND BURN THE FUCKING SHELVES! BURN THE TABLES AND THE CHAIRS AND ALL OF THOSE BILLIONS OF SHELVES! FOR THE FREAKING LOVE, BURN THE SHELVES!!!!!!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But then again Sela Ward was in it, so I guess it's a wash.

454) Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever. Okay, if your name is Wych Kaosayananda then "Kaos" is both an appropriate and kind of cool nickname. But if you choose to have it as your director's credit? DOUCHE BAG. And I thought calling yourself McG was the stupidest thing ever...

454 down, 546 to go.

06-14-2005

451) Tension at Table Rock. DeForest Kelley in a western? HAHAHA! Damn it, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a gunslinger!

452) Employee of the Month. Yeah, it sounded funny at Blockbuster but it turned out to be 90 minutes of crude, pointless vulgarity. HATE.

452 down, 548 to go.

Trouble in mind, Lord...

Feel I'm fixin' to die...

I think my hair has attained self-awareness and, in an attempt at self preservation, is attempting to crush my skull before I can shave it all off. I'm frightened.

06-13-2005

448) Crazy Little Thing. I really need to stop renting movies because I think the chick on the cover is hot.

449) Tomcats. If only I had $928 for every time I said "Dude, that is not right" during this...

450) Double Whammy. Living in Oblivion was great, so I thought I'd give this a shot. I'm not sure if which one I liked more. This one had that same quirky sense of humor, but it was a little more serious and that made me like it more, but also less. I don't know, it was good, that's enough for me.

450 down, 550 to go.

06-12-2005

444) The Master of Disguise. Dude, Jennifer Esposito is so unbelievably, totally, HOT-FREAKING-TASTIC! And both Dana Carvey and Brent Spiner were pretty funny .

445) Kicking and Screaming. Will Ferrell is brilliant, Robert Duvall is brilliant, what more do I have to say?

446) Cinderella Man. The most unfortunately titled movie ever, but still a great movie.

447) Mr. and Mrs. Smith. First I start finding Marisa attractive, and now Jolie? What the crap is going on here?!

447 down, 553 to go.