As I was saying, I love when 99.5 plays totally random crap and today was no exception. I was at my sister's for a birthday party for my little niece (actually, my niece's daughter, so grand niece?) and everyone was out on their back deck eating hamburgers and such while they had the radio on in the background. Suddenly, I hear a familiar guitar riff and realize to my shock and delight that they are totally playing Metallica's "Enter Sandman." God bless 'em.

I too love the sound of buffing...

Word of the Day for Saturday, June 24, 2006

I had to post this one since it's the weirdest one in awhile...

Brobdingnagian \brob-ding-NAG-ee-uhn\, adjective:
Of extraordinary size; gigantic; enormous.


















With each day, my crush on the Alba grows to brobdingnagian proportions.

Times when I love Rock 99.5:

- When I realize it's Twofer Tuesday in the middle of a Skynyrd song, and I cross my fingers and hope and pray and wish real hard that the second song will be Freebird, and it so is.

- When afternoon DJ Lori Ray announces that my most mortal of enemies Tony Kurre will be hosting the "Tone the Bone Show" live from Sammy's and that we should all go by to say hi in a disgusted but wearily resigned tone.

- Whenever they play something totally random like "All the Young Dudes."

Times when I hate Rock 99.5:

- Any time Tony Kurre (my most mortal of enemies) is on.

- Any time they play the Dylan version of "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" and immediately follow it with the GnR version (or the McCartney "Live and Let Die," immediately followed by the GnR version).

- When they give away tickets to a show I was trying to win because some doofus kinda sorta got the answer right. Example: The guy that won tickets to see Gov't Mule by calling in and saying the Allman Brothers instrumental they just played is called "The Ballad of Elizabeth Reed." THE NAME OF THE SONG IS IN MEMORY OF ELIZABETH REED! IN MEEEEEMOOORYYY!!!!!

- When they promise a block of Allman Brothers and it winds up including Revival and the Gregg Allman solo "hit" "I'm No Angel." So you'll steal my diamonds, but you'll bring me back some gold? Thanks Gregg, why not take my Escalade and bring me back a Suburban while you're at it? Jackass...

In part three of the ten part "Celebrity Ass I'm Reasonably Certain I Could Kick" series, I present Sandra Bernhard. What makes me think I could kick her ass? Well, at the risk of sounding sexist, it's because she's a woman. Why would I want to kick her ass? Well, I wouldn't. I have a very strict "no hitting women" policy, one that enabled MWOAEG no end of amusement when she learned that no matter how hard she hit me I wouldn't hit her back (luckily for me she was a 5'3", 100 lb wisp of a girl who's hardest punch felt something like a sponge ball thrown at an extremely low velocity), but I imagine that if confronted with the hideous visage of Bernhard my fight or flight reflex would be triggered and, since I also have a very strict "no running ever...EVER" policy, I would wind up hitting her right in the face before realizing it was Sandra Bernhard and not a terrible demon sent here to steal my soul and possibly my extensive DVD collection.














Believe it or not, this is what she looks like before getting punched in the face...

a few Steeler updates:

- Roethlisberger stopped by the Steelers' offices yesterday, "accompanied by bodyguards and wearing a hood to cover facial injuries."


















Big Ben arrives to pick up his mail...

- Santonio Holmes, after his second arrest since being drafted by Pittsburgh, has issued an apology. First, why bother? No one is going to take it seriously. Second, with the incredible value Pittsburgh has gotten from it's draft picks you'd think Cowher and the front office would have learned how to sniff out a troublemaker before trading up to take him. Now Holmes could face possible disciplinary action from the NFL, up to and including suspension, that could affect his contract negotiations with Pittsburgh. It's one thing to be dumb like Big Ben and ride without a helmet, possibly ending your career and forcing the payback of millions to the organization, but it's another to start screwing up before you've even signed your contract. In Roethlisberger's case, he already had the money working for him and any money from endorsement deals wouldn't be affected. So yeah, having to give money back and not being able to play football anymore would suck, but he'd at least have something to fall back on. Holmes, however, is digging himself into a hole. After his inital arrest for disorderly conduct in Miami, Cowher stated that he had no "long term concerns," but after a second arrest he needs to think seriously about setting this kid straight, and the first step is insisting that Holmes shave off that damn Buckstache.

So here's the part where I whine about something that I can't do anything about...why the crap is the third season of Arrested Development scheduled for release on November 2nd? We can get the finale of Friends on DVD less than a week after it aired, but it's taking the better part of a year for this? And why hasn't the second season of The Office even been announced yet? I hate you, DVD release people!














The DVD release people, seen here goofing off instead of working to bring me my digital crack.

In part two of the ten part "Celebrity Ass I'm Reasonably Certain I Could Kick" series, I bring you Mike White. Not to be confused with former Sooner QB and all around choke artist Jason White, Mike White is best known as the screenwriter and co-star of such off-kilter comedy fare as The Good Girl, Orange County, and School of Rock.


















Could probably kick his ass, too, what with the knees and all...

It was his performance as the whipped roommate of Jack Black in School of Rock that convinced me that, were it necessary, I could totally kick his ass.














If you don't have the balls to stand up to Sarah Silverman...

I long for the day when I'll flip to an episode of Designing for the Sexes to find a man red faced and screaming "I'm the one paying for this, bitch, THE BIG SCREEN STAYS!"